What annoys you most about mobile phones? Let’s not blame the technology though, let’s get to the nitty gritty of the problem, it’s the users that cause all the havoc and distraction. Do you know the last time I spoke to my wife? No neither do I, she’s had her head down on that mobile for at least ten years. Actually, it’s been bliss!

1. Smart Phone Tapping:

Please make the clicking noise stop, make it go away..
“Please make the clicking noise stop, make it go away..”

Some genius at mobile phone design HQ thought it incredibly clever to make on screen keyboards make a tapping sound once a connection has been made. It’s not enough that our brains realise we have made contact through touch – hence touch screen, but no we have to listen to numerous people incessantly clickety clicking on their mobile.

2. Being Social:

Be more social, unplug from your phone!
Be more social, unplug from your phone!

For centuries being social meant partaking in activities with other people that are actually physically nearby. Today however some people would be forgiven for thinking that ‘being social’ means to interact with your mobile every ten seconds while having dinner or enjoying an holiday. Mate, that aint being social, that’s being anti social.

3. On Holiday:


To continue that point. When you go on holiday with someone you do so for two reasons. To be on holiday WITH them and to get away from those back home and any notion that you have work to return to. So when your partner takes her phone everywhere, is chatting and calling, texting and updating social networks and browsing for news back home. Maybe it would be best to leave her at home and take someone else. TIP: Ban the mobile on holiday!

4. Transport:


Drivers are already banned from using their mobile as it’s a distraction but people still use it. Causing accidents and damage to other vehicles. But at least they are in their own vehicle. When it comes to trains and buses, when will people learn silent carriages do exist and that they could also tone their voice down. Anyone remember Dom Reason and his sketch shouting into a phone. THAT’S YOU THAT IS!

5. Photos & Videos:

Celebrities have a knack of stopping people from taking their photos when they don’t wish to be photographed. on the other hand us mere mortals can be the target of attention any time and any place. What if we don’t want to be in your selfie or video of a an event or location? Why not ask permission first?

The next time you’re in the lo-cal of an annoying mobile phone user, there are some steps you can take to do something about it. From the obvious to the extreme, we detail a few funny ways to stop annoying mobile phone users in their tracks.

1. Walk Away:

Like that’s happening, but you could try it. Stiff upper lip and all that. Just get up, walk away and find somewhere else to sit rather than getting all het up at some ignorant person idea of staying in contact.

2. Be Like Them:

Imagine that you find someone’s behaviour so obnoxious that you have to take to behaving like them to get your objection across. If they’re talking loud on the phone, sit next to them and talk loudly on yours. Tapping furiously, slap your hands on the table and type a well written novel using your imaginary keyboard. Bumping into you while they text with their head down? Run in front of them and just wait for them to bump into you again, and again, and again, and…

3. EMP Emitter:

I was thinking of a nuclear bomb but that would be a little too drastic. The next best thing is an EMP generator and you can make one at home but don’t tell the FBI. you can effectively take out all electronic equipment and you will discover a peace probably not experienced since you farted alone on top of the Black Mountains. A lesser step would be a mobile jamming device, halting all mobile communications in a small area.

4. Order Drinks:

If you’re sitting in a restaurant trying to have a nice meal with your lovely wife but the whole evening is being spoiled by a couple next to you. Constantly texting, a new age couple that hardly talk, always on their own Facebook pages, calling their mates “Yes mate, just about to have scrambled eggs and some pink thing with claws!” Head to the Bar and order drinks for YOUR table. Of course it will be theirs and not yours, as you just left. House Champagne is a good start, perhaps suggest you’re proposing marriage and certainly I’ll pay for waiters to sing, the cake and the band to play our favourite song.

Remember if you think you’re being silly for being annoyed by people’s mobile phone use. Don’t. While the telephone isn’t a new invention it is when you consider human evolution. Hearing one sided telephone conversations is not something we are used to and do not automatically ignore as we would normal conversation or group noise!